Here’s what the experts seem to think is going on. Jillian Turecki, relationship coach and author of upcoming book It Begins With You: The 9 Hard Truths About Love That Will Change Your Life, says icks aren’t as special and unique as we might think. Even though our individual icks are different, fundamentally they all come down to the same thing. “It’s not a new concept but with social media we are just talking about it more and normalizing it. I wish more people got the ick from crappy behavior or weak character. Instead it’s mostly like someone said something subtle and random. The person getting the ick then seems to be too picky or unconsciously trying to sabotage getting too close to someone.” And why might we do that? Ah, yes. We’re afraid of getting hurt, being vulnerable or letting someone into our lives, says Turecki. “An ick is not an innate thing. It’s about pickiness and focusing on the wrong things. Being easily turned off is a sign of being judgmental or having unrealistic expectations, a lack of awareness about our own faults and a fear of closeness.” The ick, essentially, is a defense mechanism. Bumble’s sex and relationship expert, Shan Boodram, agrees and says a “sudden lack of attraction” might be “your brain searching for reasons to halt the intimacy even though there truly aren’t any glaring reasons to do so.” Although Boodram thinks that sometimes icks can be your intuition warning you of bigger issues, the reality is you won’t know for sure unless you can see past the ick and explore further.
