This is usually accompanied by a lot of highs and lows. “This can trigger lots of self-worth issues and latent anger and frustration, which is precisely the point,” says Lieber. “In general, there’s something toxic about a twin flame relationship, but at the same time, you feel on a deep level that you’re meant to let it play out.”
Twin flame vs. toxic relationship
Just beware: The belief that someone is your twin flame could keep you trapped in a toxic dynamic. “What’s often labeled as a twin flame connection might actually be a trauma bond, where unresolved childhood wounds get re-enacted,” notes Sweet. “When you’re trauma-bonded with someone, there’s an intense emotional attachment to the connection—even if unhealthy, abusive, or manipulative. It’s a common factor that keeps people stuck in toxic relationships because their brain associates the abuser with relief from the very pain they caused.”
For this reason, Sweet warns against getting too attached to labels like twin flame or even soulmate. “While they can be helpful for self-reflection, they tend to romanticize unhealthy dynamics,” he says. “A twin flame connection should inspire growth, not perpetuate cycles of codependency or emotional dysregulation.”
The stages of twin flames
While the twin flame journey isn’t always linear, most do flow through a series of stages. First, it often begins with a shift within ourselves, whether we’re aware of it or not. “To start, there’s often a deep desire to evolve spiritually or to bring more love into your life,” Lieber says.
Recognition and awakening
As soon as you meet, everything changes fast. It’s like you’ve awakened to a whole new world. “It’s a moment of connection where the veil is lifted,” says certified spiritual coach Lisann Valentin.
The dance of shadows
This is where things start to get tricky—after an initial honeymoon phase, wounds, fears, and conditioning arise to be healed. “A twin flame is a catalyst,” says spiritual teacher Natalia Love Angelou. “It’s an alchemical union that sparks the deep evolution of the soul.”
Separation and growth
It’s not unusual for twin flames to separate and reunite repeatedly. This could be temporary or it could be for good. “The separation phase is especially significant because it forces individual growth,” says Sweet.
Alignment and surrender
If each person can evolve into versions of themselves that are a healthy match, they may reunite in what Angelou calls “sacred alignment.” More often than not, however, they accept that the lessons have been learned and part ways in order to continue their respective journeys alone.
Do twin flames end up together?
A twin flame relationship will burn bright until its fire has illuminated the necessary shadows in each individual. Then, it usually goes up in smoke.
