For the past 10 years I’ve been going nonstop to build my project and it’s come to the point that I need to draw lines and set boundaries. I want to be an artist for a very very long time. I’ve been in too many nonconsensual physical and social interactions and I just need to lay it out and remind you, women don’t owe you shit. I chose this career path because I love music and art and honoring my inner child, I do not accept harassment of any kind because I chose this path, nor do I deserve it.
When I’m on stage, when I’m performing, when I’m in drag, when I’m at a work event, when I’m doing press…I am at work. Any other circumstance,I am not in work mode. I am clocked out. I don’t agree with the notion that I owe a mutual exchange of energy, time, or attention to people I do not know, do not trust, or who creep me out—just because they’re expressing admiration.
Women do not owe you a reason why they don’t want to be touched or talked to. This has nothing to do with the gratitude and love I feel for my community, for the people who respect my boundaries, and for the love I feel from every person who lifts me up and has stuck with me to help the project get to where it is now.
I am specifically talking about predatory behavior (disguised as “superfan” behavior) that has become normalized because of the way women who are well-known have been treated in the past. Please do not assume vou know a lot about someone’s life, personality, and boundaries because you are familiar with them or their work online.
If you’re still asking, “Well, if you didn’t want this to happen, then why did you choose a career where you knew you wouldn’t be comfortable with the outcome of success?”—understand this: | embrace the success of the project, the love I feel, and the gratitude I have. What I do not accept are creepy people, being touched, and being followed.
This situation is similar to the idea that if a woman wears a short skirt and gets harassed or catcalled, she shouldn’t have worn the short skirt in the first place. It is not the woman’s duty to suck it up and take it; it is the harasser’s duty to be a decent person, leave her alone, and respect that she can wear whatever she wants and still deserve peace in this world.
I want to love my life, be outside, giggle with my friends, go to the movie theater, feel safe, and do all the things every single person deserves to do. Please stop touching me. Please stop being weird to my family and friends. Please stop assuming things about me. There is always more to the story. l am scared and tired. And please—don’t call me Kayleigh. I feel more love than I ever have in my life. I feel the most unsafe I have ever felt in my life.
There is a part of myself that I save just for my project and all of you. There is a part of myself that is just for me, and I don’t want that taken away from me. Thank you for reading this. I appreciate your understanding and support.
