Paulette M. Pagán got her first job at 15. As a kid, her parents taught her that to live a better life, she needed to work hard because “hard work pays off.” Over the next 20 years, Pagán dedicated herself to her career, becoming the first person in her family to go to law school, get published in a law journal, pass the bar, make partner at a law firm, and earn six figures.
Though her parents gently and lovingly encouraged her to succeed, Pagán imposed high standards on herself — not only to make her family proud, but to provide for her family. They had left their lives behind in Puerto Rico to give her and her sister a chance at a better education and work opportunities in the contiguous U.S.
Pagán isn’t alone. More than half of Latinas say they often feel pressure to provide for their loved ones at home or succeed in their jobs, according to a 2024 Pew Research Center report. As a result, Pagán endured an exhaustion like no other on her journey to become a lawyer.
“At one point, I was going to law school full time, I had an internship at the prosecutor’s office three days a week, I worked at a gym, I babysat, and I also wrote at [the law school’s] law journal,” Pagán tells Refinery29 Somos. “I was in survival mode to get through it all.”
“Celebrating our successes as Latina women is crucial and necessary. Yet it’s also critical to talk more openly about the weight and fatigue that come with being the first to navigate and assimilate in new spaces.”
ZAMEENA MEJIA
Celebrating our successes as Latina women is crucial and necessary. Yet it’s also critical to talk more openly about the weight and fatigue that come with being the first to navigate and assimilate in new spaces, whether it’s in education, entrepreneurship, finance, or other areas where we are often one of a few.
“Being a Latina comes with a lot of beauty and color when it comes to our culture, but it also comes with a lot of inexplicable pressure, especially being the first,” explains Lupita Martínez, a licensed therapist based in California who specializes in first-gen clients and imposter syndrome. “In daily life, this may look like second-guessing what you say, being afraid of raising your hand or sharing your opinion, comparing yourself to your counterparts, feeling alone, or feeling anxious. Oftentimes, these feelings stop us from applying to jobs because we ‘aren’t good enough or ready enough,’ influences us to not ask for help, or creates this innate habit to overwork ourselves to the bone because, honestly, that’s what we’ve been taught.”
While Latines are making strides across sectors, a lack of representation can make these spaces lonely and challenging. In the U.S., Latines account for only 8% of professional degree holders, 5% of all lawyers, and roughly 6.9% of business owners. Among Latine investors, a third have non-retirement portfolios valued at less than $5,000 as they only started investing recently.
As Latinas attempt to break through U.S. culture — which values achievements and generational wealth — Martínez underscores that fear, self-doubt, and anxiety may also creep up as a result of Latine cultural expectations to continue to help the family. This may look like taking care of younger siblings, attending family gatherings, completing daily chores, or cooking, even while going to school full time or having other professional responsibilities. Neglecting to acknowledge the potentially draining nature of being a trailblazer can take a toll on you.
“Being a Latina comes with a lot of beauty and color when it comes to our culture, but it also comes with a lot of inexplicable pressure, especially being the first.”
Lupita Martínez
“If you’re experiencing any of the above struggles that come with being the first but you don’t seek support or guidance, you have a long road ahead filled with worsening feelings of loneliness, hopelessness, and self-doubt,” Martínez says. “Burnout, lack of boundaries, low energy, low libido, gastrointestinal issues, a compromised immune system, sleep disturbances, anxiety (social and general), extreme stress, depression, and so much more will likely be waiting on the other end of this long-term journey if we don’t take care of ourselves and prioritize our needs.”
For Latinas looking to manage the stress or exhaustion associated with being the first, Martínez advises four coping strategies: learn to self-regulate your emotions when entering spaces that make you feel like you don’t belong; reframe your goals from things you need to accomplish to things you want to accomplish; keep track of your wins to train your brain to recognize all that you can accomplish; and lastly, find community willing to support you and your academic, emotional, and professional goals.
Somos interviewed four Latinas who are the firsts in their respective spaces on the challenges that come with their accolades. Here’s what they had to share.
Sharina Maillo-Pozo, Dominican professor in Athens, GA
I was the first in my family to pursue a doctoral degree, which came with lots of satisfaction, but also pressure to succeed. One of the most significant was being constantly probed about my career choice by family members who did not understand the reasons for taking a professional path that is not lucrative and requires lots of time away from loved ones. The criticism from my family was more a symptom of their concern about my mental, physical, and financial stability. I wish I had understood earlier that what seemed like criticism from my family was their way of caring and being concerned about me. That would have avoided many years of feeling alone and resenting them.
Being the first has come with lots of pressure, some of them, or perhaps most of them, self-imposed. In everything I do, I perform at my best, which is never enough, and that can be exhausting. Perhaps the most challenging moments have been seeing how institutions keep reminding us, first-generation scholars, that we are, at times, not enough.
“Being the first has come with lots of pressure, some of them, or perhaps most of them, self-imposed.”
Sharina Maillo-Pozo
I was honored to have amazing mentors during my undergraduate and graduate journeys who were aware of the many burdens that first-generation college students endure. With their support and guidance, I have been able to navigate the torrid waters of academia. I have also been privileged to find friends and colleagues at my current and previous workplaces who have always supported me, rooted for me, and walked alongside me in every step of my career.
So in the end, I have never been alone on this journey. Yes, I was the first in my family to take this road, yet I was never as alone as I thought. Yes, being the first is exhausting, but it is also a gift, an opportunity that the women in my family who came before me did not have. Finding and creating communities of support is vital. All can be better if, as Lorgia García-Peña has indicated in Community as Rebellion: A Syllabus for Surviving Academia as a Woman of Color, we move away from the logic of “the one” and recognize that working together will be much more effective than seeing each other as competition.
Michelle Delgado, Mexican-American business owner in Ridgewood, NY
I was the first in my family to graduate college, leave Los Angeles, and start my own business. I was raised by my widowed grandmother, who worked every day of her life to support my great grandmother, my aunts, my mother, and me. Everyone in my family finished high school then jumped straight into full-time work to help the family financially. I did the same but also took classes at a local community college here and there. Eight years of off and on community college, and I was eventually eligible to transfer to a university. I juggled my full-time job with full-time school, and I graduated the summer after my grandma died.
Being able to share my college graduation with my family was an amazing feeling. Also, I discovered the amount of hustle I had in me by juggling a pretty demanding day job while taking on full-time courses. It was a huge challenge for me, but I did it. After I graduated, I traded school for a side hustle on Etsy. I eventually made enough money to quit my day job in foreign trade support for Bank of America. I was so happy to quit.
“Imposter syndrome is real. I struggle with it to this day, not feeling worthy of any of my successes or feeling like my accomplishments aren’t good enough.”
Michelle Delgado
Soon after, I moved to New York and got a role at Etsy’s headquarters, eventually helping launch Etsy Wholesale. I fell in love with that job and would probably still be there if I wasn’t laid off in 2017, two weeks before I found out I was pregnant with my first daughter. At the time, my friend Lisa was in a similar situation. Fast forward three months later, and we opened our store Stay Forever. We scraped together our savings and signed a lease. No business plan, no financing, just the skills we picked up from our previous jobs and the desire to be our own bosses and raise our kids.
Imposter syndrome is real. I struggle with it to this day, not feeling worthy of any of my successes or feeling like my accomplishments aren’t good enough. Not having any guidance was a real difficult challenge for me to overcome. I would hope that the journey gets easier as Latinas continue to support each other. If every Latina took a younger Latina under her wing, imagine where we’d be. If you find your calling, figure out a way to make it work and don’t let anyone, including yourself, tell you that you can’t.
Mabel Nuñez, Dominican investing educator in New York City
As a first-born daughter and a Dominican immigrant raised in the Bronx, I’ve experienced a lot of firsts: First in my family to go away to college and dorm at a university, first in my family to complete a four-year degree and graduate with a bachelor of science, first in my family to invest, and first in my family to quit a formal job and start a business full time.
One of the most critical challenges I faced was resistance from family since a lot of these firsts were very scary. For example, when I got my acceptance letter for college to go away my dad refused at first. I was only 17 years old when I graduated from high school and going away was unheard of in my family. However, he eventually said yes thanks to a guidance counselor who convinced him. I am so grateful for that because those four years were truly transformative in my life.
“I’ve experienced a lot of shame and intimidation because I was doing things no one in my family had ever done.”
Mabel Nuñez
I’ve experienced a lot of shame and intimidation because I was doing things no one in my family had ever done. These emotions were so big at the beginning that I refused to share my plans, successes, or goals with the people close to me. My family didn’t know about my business until I had already been doing it for a few years, and they only found out through word of mouth.
When I decided to quit my full-time job to pursue my business, I was terrified of telling my parents. Although I had prepared to the fullest to take that step, I actually quit before I told them because I didn’t want their apprehension to stop me. Eventually, they supported me and now are my biggest fans as I teach others how to invest through Girl$ on The Money.
With investing, I didn’t want to come off as bragging, or I didn’t want my family to think I felt I was better than them because I was in the stock market, so that’s also something I kept away from them due to shame at the beginning. As a Latina, our culture typically encourages us to save money under the mattress. That’s one of the reasons I felt so ashamed when I started to break away from that norm and started to invest my money. It’s up to us to break the cycle. I was changing the generational narrative of my family in a way that had not been done before and that filled me up with hope and pride.
Paulette M. Pagán, Puero Rican partner at a law firm in Washington, D.C.
I am the first in my family to go to law school, make partner at a law firm, get published in a law journal, and first to earn six figures. I had to work two jobs to save enough money to get myself to and pay my way through law school. There’s a lot of stress that’s involved, and one of the biggest challenges for me was navigating the financial aspect of paying for school, taking out six-figure student loans, and working and paying my expenses, all while trying to excel academically.
Many people who go to law school are wealthy and have family members who can prepare them for law school by sharing their personal experience and supporting them financially, but I was figuring it all out on the fly. I needed to make sure I did everything I could to ultimately land a job to be able to pay for student loans.
I had to sacrifice being able to go out to eat with friends. Since I went to law school in Boston, I couldn’t afford to travel back home as often as I wanted. I spent Thanksgiving by myself at one point. That stress takes a toll on you physically and mentally.
“When I felt overwhelmed, I would take a step back and remind myself that not everything needed to be figured out at that moment. I gave myself grace for the questions I didn’t have answers to.”
Paulette M. Pagán
One of my coping strategies was to remind myself that these sacrifices were all temporary. I would ground myself by asking myself, “Why am I doing this in the first place?” I recognized that I put myself in a tough position to get to the point where I’m at now, where I don’t have to struggle and worry about the future.
When I felt overwhelmed, I would take a step back and remind myself that not everything needed to be figured out at that moment. I gave myself grace for the questions I didn’t have answers to. I went to professional networking events that were open to students so I could learn what it’s like to be a lawyer, learn about the different types of law, and seek out mentorship.
My advice to other Latinas is to keep asking questions and learn as much as possible. Learn things for yourself, so you can then pass that information along to someone else that’s coming up in their career. It’s a total gamechanger and accelerates your peace and excitement for life.
Interviews have been edited for clarity and brevity.
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