I recently went to a wedding where I hadn’t met any of the guests before so I had to make friends for the night, fast. Although there were lots of people around my age (28), the group I spent the night dancing with were approaching 50. Age really is just a number — when you click, no one is checking the year everyone was born.
Age-gap friendships can flourish in settings like the workplace, where you’re thrust into meeting new people that you otherwise might not cross paths with. Just last week I saw a video on TikTok of a young woman telling her older colleague that she was leaving the company, much to his heartbreak. “You can’t leave me,” he says, and suddenly I remembered the older colleagues who became work besties and in turn made going to work more bearable.
A US survey on intergenerational friendships by AARP found that most people create these friendships at work, and nearly four in 10 adults have a close friend with a 15-year age gap. Forty-five percent of those friendships have lasted at least 10 years. It’s not just the workplace: We asked our readers about their age-gap friendships and some people met via exes or while walking their dogs. Many of those friendships then existed outside of the spaces in which they first formed.
At the end of the wedding I attended, I swapped numbers with someone from the group in their late 40s — why shouldn’t we dance together again?
Helen Smith, 28, London, UK, she/her
One of my besties is 50! He was a raver in the ’90s and we love to go to electronic and club music festivals and gigs together. Our next one will be Orbital and Leftfield in Margate. We met as he was my ex’s neighbour and they were in a band together. I ended up being their sound engineer and we’d all travel round the country in a van, going to festivals and gigs. After things ended with my ex, I carried on doing sound jobs for Carl and our friendship grew from there. Our friendship mainly centres around food and music. We go out for meals to have a bit of a catch-up, then usually proceed to the pub to play pool.
A highlight was seeing Bicep together at SANDS festival in Margate. We camped in the van next to the beach afterwards and had an incredibly chill and blessed beach day the next day.
Laura Mackenzie, 30, Northumberland, UK, she/her
I have two work besties. One is 53 and the other 71, both men. I’m a 30-year-old woman and they’re by far the most wholesome, real and supportive friendships I’ve had to date. I speak to them every day, they know my work struggles, my personal struggles, they let me be real and honest. I honestly couldn’t get through my days without them. The age gap doesn’t even feel obvious until one of them mentions a band I’ve never heard of! They remind me that similar life experiences transcend generations and we’re all the same. They both texted me the morning of my wedding in February (I only had family at my wedding), offering their well wishes, and reminded me that the day will be a special memory forever. It still sticks with me!
Humeara Mohamed, 27, London, UK, she/her
I have a dear friend called Steve and at 64 years old, he’s a wise sage next to my measly 27. We met a few years back after a few repeated chance encounters on London’s Hampstead Heath, where our dogs got on like a house on fire and we exchanged pleasantries about the weather, his daughter, my husband and the dogs. After a few meets like this, we exchanged numbers and the rest is history. Since then, we’ve gone on countless dog-walking dates; he attended my last birthday party (his thoughtful gifts, The Heath by Hunter Davies and a bottle of non-alcoholic drink, nearly brought me to tears); we’ve been to each other’s flat for dinner with our relevant dogs, partners and kids in tow; I’ve witnessed his daughter pass her A-levels; and we’ve cared for each other’s pets during holidays. Now, though his beloved lurcher has passed away, we still see each other often for a walk on the heath and a wholesome catch-up. I adore him and he holds a special place in my heart, having walked right into it not long after I first moved to London, away from the friends and family I grew up with. Steve really is proof that you can find friends in the most unexpected places and at the oddest of times.
Rachel Hart, 41, Liverpool, UK, she/her
I’ve become good friends with one of my son’s nursery teachers. I’m 41 and she’s in her 60s. She’s become like family and we pretty much text each other every day and go to the pub. We became friends as she really took a shine to our son in her nursery group. She did some babysitting for us one evening and stayed to chat with a glass of wine when we got back. Me and my partner have lost our mums so we see her as a bit of a mother figure in our lives. Me and her have both suffered a lot of loss and we just get each other, she’s like a breath of fresh air. I always listen to her advice…and she’s a lot of fun, too.
One great memory is when she was telling us some really interesting tales from her younger days living in Dubai and Kuwait. She could write a book!
Poë Lucas, 28, Paris, France, she/her
I’m 28 and my friend is 43. We’re colleagues and work closely together. It started out with simple, work-related conversations but we got along really well. We have the same sense of humour so we started talking more and more, spending hours on the phone to each other weekly (we work for the same team but live in different cities). Then we went on to share more personal things and made an effort to see each other outside of work. I had the best night of my life when we went clubbing together with other colleagues after a work event. I don’t see him often but every time we’re together we can talk about anything. It all just feels really pure and genuine and we have so much respect for one another. I feel like I can’t get that with many people in my age group due to immaturity.
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