We are trying for another baby, any advice as we are in the waiting and hoping stage each month?
I think just trusting the timing of your life, I guess. I always felt like things happened when I stopped focusing on them so much (which is easier said than done).
How long did you breastfeed for? Same amount of time for each kid? Did you feel pressure to?
I for sure felt pressure. I breastfed Charlie for 6 months and he was terrible at feeding. Looking back now he definitely had colic (but he was my first baby and I literally thought that that was what babies did!) and although I was nursing around the clock he constantly threw up and was fussy. At his 2 month pediatrician appt he had “failure to thrive” which is horrible to hear as a parent and I was encouraged to stop nursing. But I didn’t because I felt like it was my duty to do it and I was a terrible mother if I didn’t. We started supplementing him with formula for acid reflux babies and that helped but I held on to a couple feeds a day until he was 6 months old and then stopped (also to note, I had bad postpartum with Charlie). I didn’t listen to those around me with my first and I changed that when I had Jack and George. Jack was a magical baby, latched perfectly and we lived in this dreamy blissful boob state. But at 4.5 months I definitely wanted my body back and I never wanted to feel the way I felt with Charlie so I just stopped and switched him to formula. George was tough to start (he ended up getting his tongue tie clipped at 10 days old) and then was magical. I clung to our nursing journey during our move to Charleston (we moved when he was only 6 months old), but never got him on a schedule and literally nursed him around the clock until my doctor told me I was so dehydrated and needed to give myself a break. That was when George was 6 months old, too! You can read more about my breast feeding journey here. My biggest takeaway is that breastfed or not, YOU know best and your baby will be happy and healthy. There is so much pressure on women to do it all and I’m a big proponent in listening to your body and doing what is also best for YOU.
How do you help your child with anxieties?
This is hard. I feel like we are just learning about some anxieties and find that acknowledging them and talking them through and always being available is really important. Charlie and Jack being 8 and 6 is way more demanding emotionally as a parent than George’s age (3). They need us more and I love it. So being there, relating and understanding experiences, giving them the tools to deal with situations. I also gave Charlie a notebook (this is unrelated to anxieties but just for life in general) and told him he could write down anything he wanted to get off his chest without telling mom. I think they helps them not keep everything inside!
I’m scared to have my identity change with a baby. I’m in my 30’s and finally really like me!
Oh I feel this! I think you have to remind yourself that it is up to you (like try not to give being a mom all the power, you know?). I also found that I still am who I am but with this inner purpose that I didn’t know existed? It’s me but better. So not looking at the change as a negative but a positive!
I am about to have my first. What would you tell your new mom self?
One day you’re going to miss the days that felt impossible!!!!
I’m due with my 3rd boy next week! Favorite things about being a boy mom, and how is #3 different.
I literally love all of it. I feel like the queen of my house LOL. I also find serious pride in building a relationship with my boys that transcends the stereotype of mother/sons as they get older (and married). #3 is icing on the cake because the love you feel as a mom, for your children, become echoed in the big brothers. They look out for each other and take such pride in being BROTHERS. And that visual makes me so excited for the years to come.
Tips for surviving the early days with a newborn?
Get out of the house! Go for walks, walk to get coffee, ask for help, hire a babysitter for 30 minutes so you can get out of the house and feel like the you before you were a mom. Those moments made me grounded and excited to BE IN IT. When we lived in Chicago I used to walk tiny baby Charlie to a music class that was definitely made for toddlers and I would just sit there, holding my baby, just to meet the moms. Charlie was 2 months old I think and even if you do those things for yourself, remember that’s ok!
How often do your boys play independently vs. wanting you to play with them?
I would say 70/30. I’m not a great “play” mom unless it is certain things like legos/building, coloring or playing catch. But the magic of brothers is that they have each other to play with!
How to be a good friend when you/we are so (happily) consumed by our own families?
I’m very much on the same page with most of my friends and overall, I do my best to check in (couldn’t a simple call/text) or schedule lunches/dinners where we can catch up. I think this is a total normal phase of life and something you can’t/shouldn’t feel bad about. But acknowledging it is always a good place to start!
Mom of 4 wild boys! How do you handle physical fighting? They’re getting so big!
My boys are actually not physical but they can throw daggers with their eyes.
What’s one aspect of parenting you wish you were better at? What’s one you’re really good at?
I wish I was better at being consistent. I’m very reactive with the boys and feel more emotional about their reasonings for behaving a certain way where Dave is so consistent and I think my boys need that! But I will say I’m good and understanding of their sides, their age, letting them be kids and know that that comes with its own set of emotions and uncertainties. I feel like I’m a safe, open book and that makes me happy.
Struggling to keep up while being a mom. FT work, house things, being present with littles. No idea how to find time to workout. Rest is hard.
I relate to all of these things and I also fought those feelings for so long. And YOU ARE NOT ALONE, I’m telling you from my own friend group that we all feel this way. I don’t think I have an answer for you but I do think a practice that is helpful is writing down what would help. Is it hiring someone to tidy up your house while you’re working? Booking a workout class in advance and making the time (this is a non-negotiable with Dave, mama needs it). I feel a lot of these things too and my ideal situation would be hiring a woman to come into my house and help me 3-6 hours a week with laundry, tidying and organizing, etc. while my kids are out of the house. That is one area that I feel like I can never catch up on and keeps me from doing other things (like even opportunities to hang with the kids). Just giving you an example of my own brain thoughts but it is hard!
How are you teaching gratitude? So hard to balance!
This is hard. I think right now, the stage of life my kids are in, it is consistency. Noticing moments of our day where practicing gratitude would change perspective. This summer I got in the habit of Charlie writing down 5 things he was excited for/5 things he was grateful for in his journal and I need to be more consistent with this throughout the year! Our mornings are so rushed, and I always like the morning to set the tone and get your head in the right space. Any one else have some tips? Sharing in the comments is so helpful!
How are you managing mom guilt around juggling work and family life?
This post from the archive still rings very true: Let’s Talk About Mom Guilt! But I think a switch in my perspective is not trying to always fix it. The more I fight it, the worse it is, you know? I’ve tried to accept that my guilt is always part of the conversation and not so much in a resentful way (like maybe it was at one point?) but because I truly want to be both. I think we all do (most of the time). Accepting that it is there and
What do you consider to be your biggest mom hack?
I am literally not a hack girl. I feel like I have no hacks, ha.
I’m in my 3rd pregnancy, my older two are 2 & 4 – feeling very depleted. Curious about other experiences with 3rd?
I talk about the transition to 3 kids in this post. Depleted is the perfect word for it. And in the moment it seems that feeling will last forever but by the time George turned two I felt like I could see the light at the end of the tunnel (and now it’s here!). The season of life with young kids is HARD but short.
How do I plan a 1st birthday party (all indoors DECEMBER)?
Charlie’s first birthday was indoors and here are all the details! Honestly I’m not great with kids birthday parties. We only did small family celebrations for Jack and George. I think it can be casual and it is definitely more tailored to the adults.
Can you talk about George’s delays, how you knew to get speech therapy, and coping as a mom? Dealing with a toddler diagnosis 🙁
With George being our third, I knew something was off. I had voiced concerns with my pediatrician but we sort of waited until he hit 24 months old and then decided to get support. Our pediatrician is so incredible and has been very very proactive about getting George help since the beginning. She approves appointments, helps me get second opinions and really set us up for success. We started OT (George also has some fine motor/sensory delays) and Speech therapy right after George turned 2 and I am so glad we did early intervention. In terms of coping, I really struggle with not having a concrete answer. George is SO SMART in so many ways but the language is a tough barrier. He understands everything, is so stable and strong and I’ve had to give myself a break and remind myself that we are truly doing everything we can for him. My biggest advice is to find good therapists who care about your child, push them, want to see them succeed. I really feel like we lucked out.
What are the hardest part of motherhood for you?!
Second guessing myself. Fear that I’m not raising good humans. Fear in general. When your heart lives outside of our body, fear is inevitable.
I’m pregnant with my third and bedtime is already so wild! How do you get three down?
Charlie and Jack shared a room when George was born so George would hang out with us when we would put the boys to bed in the early days of 3. Then when George was on a consistent bedtime routine Dave would take the big boys and I would put George to bed, or vice versa. Now they all go down at the same time and it is chaos and fun! Also, if I was ever solo parenting I would put George down first and have the big boys watch a show in my bed and then put them down. You just sort of figure it out and let go of the strict routines a bit.
When did you start gaining confidence as a mom when Charlie was a baby?
I would say around 8/9 months. I struggled after having Charlie so I think my timing was a little longer. But I could also say that every single child is so different and my experience as a new mom 3x has been different every time. And I still feel insecure as a mom at times! Entering new phases of parenting now that Charlie is 8 is like swimming into uncharted territory. Motherhood is a long game and I’m constantly learning!
Do you or Dave have a temper? I feel like I’m constantly yelling at my kids!
On a daily basis, no but in certain circumstances, yes! My kids respond differently to certain parenting techniques but it some cases you need to get the point across. This is where my inconsistency in parenting certain things really fails me because they know what they can get away with, with me and I get upset. Where Dave is so consistent so when they do something they know they shouldn’t, Dave does a really good job at letting them know his disappointment. PARENTING IS HARD.
How to *not* lose your shit daily? My kids are 3 and 4 and TEST ME. Full time job too.
This sort of plays into the question above but something I think about all the time is the phrase, let them be kids. I generally try to take a step back from the situation and think “is this upsetting me because I’m annoyed or because they are actually doing something wrong?” If it is because I’m annoyed then I try to take a deep breath and move on.
What does a good work/mom-life balance look like for you?
I think I would really thrive with a house manager. Right now the biggest pain point in getting work done is being distracted by what needs to be done around my house. I don’t thrive in chaos and working from home feels like I’m constantly distracted by chaos. I think if I was able to hire someone 6 hours a week to help me keep up with laundry, organize piles and rooms, etc. then I could better focus on work. My time management is terrible and in turn I’m still distracted by what I didn’t get done when my kids get home from school. I don’t have a good shut off because I never fully get everything done that I need to get done. I also wish I could let go of the “more” mindset. I think that is the challenge in working in social media, you’re constantly watching other people perform. Long story short, I think this would be a great solve for me in achieving a positive work/life balance.
How do you exercise while also accepting your new postpartum body?
My biggest advice is buy the next size up in your favorite workout clothes so you feel confident in them and then remember that everything takes time. It took me two full years to get into shape after Jack and I barely worked out for a year after having Charlie. It gets easier with each pregnancy because you have a new appreciation for your body. But it takes time! And that’s okay.
When did you begin to carve out me-time as a first time mom with Charlie?
My mom started coming downtown to babysit Charlie for a few hours every Wednesday right after he was born and I would go for a walk, work at a coffee shop, get my nails done – anything to make myself feel like me again. There are no rules for this! Do whatever you need to do.
Coping strategies for sleepless nights with a newborn? Did you follow moms on call or taking cara babies to get more routined with your first?
I sort of dabbled in Moms on Call but ultimately I followed this awake chart. I just tried to catch them in their appropriate windows and it worked out. We also did the Cry it Out method for all of our kids and they are all amazing sleepers at night. I don’t know, it is such a personal experience. This old post from the archives may be helpful, too: Sleep Training Charlie and Jack.
Have you had to handle the boys being left out? Friendship dynamics? Mean kids or bully’s?
We personally have not had to deal with this yet but I think this would be another helpful conversation in the comments!!
