I was telling my mom the other week that I feel so lucky that my audience is such a wide age range. I could spend one day styling a 65 year old woman for a wedding, helping another woman decorate her son’s dorm room, chatting with someone my age who just put their dog down and thought about eating their dog hair (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, watch this) and reminding a fresh college graduate that there is no rush. I’m grateful that my voice has become a safe place for questions that don’t have an umbrella. We are all students! We will all graduate (see what I did there). We have to ask the questions.
By far, my most frequently asked question or thought starter comes from “what would you tell your 24 year old self?” Those graduating college, entering the work force, figuring out their path and already feeling the pressure to have all the answers. And my answers aren’t better than anyone else’s but when I look back at what lay ahead for me at 24 years old, I am proud of myself for taking a different path. So here is my advice for those of you who are just dipping your toe into the adult waters…
I really don’t think anything that is truly meant for you is possible unless you trust yourself. At the time I graduated college my trajectory seemed outlined pretty clearly. You get a good job, support yourself, open a savings account, date, meet someone, settle down, etc. You have kids, you save for a house, you keep working (or you meet someone who lets you stay home with the kids), you are active in your community, you give back, you volunteer at school. But somewhere in-between having a good job and opening a savings account, I decided to start a blog. I remember explaining it to my family and my peers knowing it probably sounded like a really stupid idea. But deep in my gut I was feeling pulled. Long story short, I trusted myself enough to do it. To change the path that I pictured in my head just because the generations before had followed it. I’m not saying that your path needs to look like a creative endeavor, but I’m saying be brave enough to trust your intuition. Trust that maybe your “path” looks different and that’s okay.
Let go of the timeline. Easier said than done! It is easy to look around and feel behind when your peers are on a different timeline. But there is SO MUCH PRESSURE on us to constantly be rushing, shifting, pivoting, advancing. We base our success on performance/competition. Let it go. It took me a long time to realize that the expectations I was setting for myself were all self induced, unrealistic and stupid. All that pressure and stress only made me feel more lost. I still get trapped in the timeline sometimes but I am a little wiser to know that it doesn’t really matter. There is a place here for all of us and we are all going to get where we are meant to be.
Embrace the freedom and opportunity to be selfish. The years when you’re living paycheck to paycheck, figuring out routine and frankly being a little reckless is enlightening and fun! The older you get, the more pressure there is to plan for the future. Savor the time that doesn’t require you to think much. Commit to yourself and your own personal needs. I’ll tell you a little story…my first year after college was completely chaotic. I lived downtown in a duplex down with three girlfriends (on the corner of Wrightwood and Orchard for my Chicago girlies!). We each paid $550 and our apartment was a HOLE (but we did our best to make it cute and cozy). I had broken up with my long term boyfriend, was working as a clothing buyer, all my roommates had boyfriends and I sort of lived in this blissful, numb state. I was unemotional in the best way, lived without fear of the future, said YES to a lot, was always up for anything and sort of floated around Chicago. When I talk to my therapist I’ve recapped this year over and over as the year that taught me that it’s okay to put myself first. I don’t think I’ll ever recreate the mindset I was in at that time but I wish I could go back. To when fear didn’t exist, I trusted myself, I was free of judgement or insecurity. I literally lived for myself and it was really special.
No matter what your future holds – maybe it is kids, maybe it’s not. Maybe it is moving cross country, maybe it is moving to your hometown. Maybe it is climbing the corporate ladder and maybe it is the complete opposite. I look back at that time and wish I hadn’t been so “bigger picture”.’ So much of who and what we become is in the moments when we don’t plan for what is next. In a world that is constantly telling us that what we are doing isn’t enough, I wish I had been better at telling myself that what I was, was already enough. That mindset is what makes us fearful to take the next step. So live in the now! Because you’ll blink and you’re 38 with three kids and no longer living for yourself (although a new, beautiful phase of life).
In reality, our time here is short. We have to savor each moment in time. 24 year old Liz feels like a different lifetime ago but I still see and feel glimpses of her now. Softer, more trusting, wider eyes, simple and fun. I’ll always think of her with a smile!
