Welcome to Money Diaries where we are tackling the ever-present taboo that is money. We’re asking real people how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we’re tracking every last dollar.
Today: a compensation analyst with a $166,800 joint salary who spends some of her money this week on a 10th anniversary present for the barn where she takes horse-riding lessons.
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Warning: This diary includes references to alcoholism that some readers may find upsetting.
Occupation: Compensation analyst
Industry: Transportation and logistics
Age: 32
Location: Richmond, VA
Salary: $166,800 joint income ($95,000 me, $66,800 my husband, and about $5,000 minimum in side hustles).
Assets: Checking: $4,802.94; savings: $66,000.87; retirement accounts with investments: $292,710.16. We don’t carry debt but we do use credit cards, which we pay in full and I track the total (currently at $14,149.19). We don’t have any other debt. We paid off our student loans and our cars are paid in full.
Debt: $0
Paycheck amount: $1,400 (me) and $2,000 (husband). These amounts are weekly for me and semi-monthly for my husband, W.
Pronouns: She/her
Monthly Expenses
Housing costs: $2,100
Loan payments: $0
Horse lease: $795 — this is my half for the horse I ride. The barn where I ride is about a 25-minute drive from our apartment. It offers lessons, leasing and boarding. Since I half lease, I get to ride the same horse (B.) three days a week, and for me that’s two lessons and one “free ride” when I ride on my own without an instructor. I generically refer to the place where I lease and take lessons as “the barn.”
Farrier: $150 (my half).
Retirement: $3,690
W.’s therapy sessions: $268.90
Electric: This varies but averages at $237.68.
Cats: $608.41 average (prescription pet food, meds, vet, pheromone spray).
Subscriptions: $17.98 (Peacock and Spotify).
Phones: $83.88 for two lines (not accounting for a $15 cell phone reimbursement I get from my work).
Healthcare premiums: $501.98 (deducted from W.’s paycheck. This will change slightly when I am eligible for benefits through my new job).
Retirement: $607.04 (pre-tax, from W.’s paycheck. This will increase when I am eligible for the 401(k) at my work and I will max that out annually).
Renter’s insurance: $110 (paid in full annually).
Car insurance: $850 total (paid in full twice annually).
Annual Expenses
Roth IRAs: $14,000 ($7,000 each) — I contribute the max to my and W.’s IRAs every year on 1 January.
Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
Yes. I got into the Center Based Gifted program in fourth grade and then went to a magnet school for high school. I went straight to a well-renowned, so-called “public Ivy League school” straight out of high school. But I was entirely unprepared socially, financially and academically for living on my own and attending a competitive college. I did not graduate from that university. Instead, I ended up nearly dying of alcoholism. I wound up in the university hospital’s MICU and was hospitalized for eight days with acute delirium tremens, bleeding esophageal varices, alcoholic hepatitis and multi-system organ failure after two years of drinking alcohol around the clock. I nearly died, went straight to rehab and have been sober ever since. A few years into my sobriety and recovery, I went back to school as a commuter student and cash-flowed my way to my undergraduate degree while working multiple jobs. I had student loans from my first, unsuccessful college experience and I paid those off when they were out of deferment a few years ago.
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent(s)/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
My parents struggled with a lot of really difficult life circumstances and my childhood reflected that. I was the oldest of five children. My mom was a stay-at-home mom and my dad worked in retail management. When I was eight, my fourth sibling was born with a serious and life-threatening heart condition that required multiple open-heart surgeries, procedures and hospitalizations when he was a baby and a child. Everything felt scary and chaotic. I recognize now that my parents handled it the best they could with what they were given. The resounding monetary theme growing up was “money is tight.” I once asked my mom how much my dad made and she said it was rude to ask. I felt very embarrassed and tried to avoid asking questions after that. My mom constantly “borrowed” or took money from me and my siblings — she would take cash that I got for my birthday out of my purse or she’d guilt me into borrowing money I made pet-sitting. She’d make promises to pay me back on a certain date but if I asked about it, she would get angry and call me money-hungry. So I started lying about how much money I had so I could hoard it. Funny enough, now I look back and feel bad that I didn’t help more.
What was your first job and why did you get it?
I started pet-sitting and babysitting for money around age 12 and made good money for the early 2000s! My first real job was a retail position at a large sporting goods chain store. My dad got me the job because he worked there (I wasn’t allowed to work at his store location though). I made minimum wage and I did it to gain experience, to have money to spend on fun things like going to the movies with my friends, and to save for future big expenses like a car or college expenses.
Did you worry about money growing up?
All the time. I was so stressed. It turned out my dad was drinking alcoholically and had been hiding it from my mom since marriage. We found out when I was 18. He spent $300 of every paycheck on beer, and my mom was taking my hard-earned pet-sitting and babysitting money to make ends meet and pay for groceries and my brother’s medical bills. I never did any extracurriculars growing up and I was the only person at my high school riding the bus because my parents couldn’t afford to buy me a car.
Do you worry about money now?
Not really. I was in a lot of debt when I was newly sober. I turned my life around: I got my degree, busted my ass in low-paying jobs to get experience and prove my worth, paid off all my debt and built a strong foundation of savings and investments. I went from a net worth of negative $25,000 to a current combined net worth of about $350,000 with my husband, W. I do worry sometimes but mostly I think it’s related to a scarcity mindset and past experiences. I was fired this year in March and remained unemployed for four months before landing a job I am very excited about. Our emergency fund allowed me the time to find a job that I actually want and we didn’t have to adjust our lifestyle at all, even though we had a large tax bill, an emergency vet stay and a lot of car problems during my stint of unemployment.
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
I moved back in with my parents in early recovery but my husband and I have been financially responsible for ourselves for about seven years now.
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
My maternal grandfather left me about $1,500 and I split that with one of my sisters who wasn’t in his will, in an effort to be fair.
Day One
8:30 a.m. — Every Saturday I have a babysitting gig that I’m perpetually late for. I’m actually perpetually late for everything. I speedily get ready (I never do my hair or wear makeup) and most importantly, I feed the two hangry cats their special diets. S. can only eat chicken because she has bad IBS and pancreatitis, and A. has FLUTD and eats the world’s most expensive urinary diet, so they also have to eat separately. I’m also pet-sitting today so I drive the few minutes to feed and let out D., a wonderful black Great Dane.
9:15 a.m. — As usual I drop by Panera for my Unlimited Sip Club light-roast coffee before heading to the babysitting gig. I love the woman I babysit with. I’ve known her at least five years and she’s funny and we both complain about the same kid. I know how awful this is. But there is one child I can’t stand and it’s warranted. One of the kids we both love is there today; he has autism and elopes at one point [ed. note: common in children with autism spectrum disorder, elopement is a common behavior where they leave a location or caregiver without permission]. When this happens, we let him run, follow calmly, and text mom. As I’m texting mom and following, she comes down the hallway and has it handled because she heard him from the meeting room she was in.
11:30 a.m. — Back to Panera for Unlimited Sip (this is a common theme). You can go every two hours for a coffee, tea or fountain drink and I make full use of this. The subscription is something like $12 a month but there’s always promos so I just sign up for the free three months and cancel, then sign up under another email address. I think Panera hates me. I used to get emails all the time saying “You’ve saved $2,345 on 989 cups of coffee! Way to go!” but now that I use fake emails I miss out on those. My Panera coffee drinking is probably the thing I’m best known for among family, friends and colleagues. After Panera, I go take care of D.
12 p.m. — Work on chores around the house, then sit and watch part of a 9/11 documentary with W. It’s highly interesting but also extremely disturbing.
5 p.m. — I drive W. to a games night he’s joining with his former coworkers from his last school (he recently transferred). He has been a special education teacher for about six years and recently got a promotion to a special education coordinator role. He has a vision disorder and doesn’t like driving at night even though he legally can, so I drive him. We try to pick up pizza from Little Caesars on the way but apparently every franchise is overrun so I drop off W., go wait 40 minutes then deliver the pizzas to their game night, then head back to take care of D. and stay home for the night. I’m depressed after the 9/11 documentary and I lie in bed watching TV and eating a couple slices of pizza. W.’s friend drops him off late. $29.64
Daily Total: $29.64
Day Two
7 a.m. — I go to feed and walk D. I’ve been pet-sitting for this family for about four years. They also have a very old cocker spaniel and they had a huge Bernese mountain dog that passed this year; I was with him a few days before he had to be put down and noticed he was very off. I miss him. I love all animals and look forward to the day W. and I have some land and can give a home to all sorts of animals. After taking care of D., I go to Panera for coffee.
12 p.m. — Today is my free ride day. With a half lease, I ride three days a week. The arrangement I have is two lessons and one free ride day. I pay for lessons and half of “my” horse, B.’s, expenses (vet, farrier, etc.). I don’t own him — but I’d love to. Horses aren’t a financially sound decision but boy are they worth it if you have the discretionary income. Two years ago I realized I’m an adult with money and I can afford to take riding lessons if I want.
1 p.m. — I groom and tack up. I normally trail ride during my free ride days but B. was acting up a bit in my last lesson and I need to school him in the arena. He pulls some antics but I keep him moving forward and we ultimately have a very good and productive hour-long ride. It’s hot so after the ride, I untack and cold hose him thoroughly.
7 p.m. — W. and I have pasta for dinner and spend a lazy Sunday evening around the apartment. Bed earlyish for work tomorrow.
Daily Total: $0
Day Three
6 a.m. — I go take care of D. and then head to Panera for coffee before going to the office. I just started this job a week and a half ago (they made an exception for a midweek orientation for me, which was really nice). Most of my team is fully remote but my boss and one coworker are predominantly in-office by choice; I decided to be mostly in-person for the first few months while I’m in training and getting acclimated. I love working from home but I know myself well enough to know I will do much better by forcing myself to get comfortable with my boss and the job in-person first. While I’m at my desk, the group chat for the barn where I keep my horse is blowing up and I am guilted into venmoing someone to split a gift for the barn owner for the 10th anniversary of the barn being in existence. $50
1:30 p.m. — I have a meeting with my boss to review some data I have been working on to cost a change to a policy. I asked to go through it with him because this is a very new role for me and I’m working on refining my Excel and data analytics skills. He goes over some questions I have and I have some additional work to do before we meet again.
4 p.m. — I leave the office to go take care of D., then head to the barn for my Monday group lesson. I’m running super late but manage to change out of my work clothes, speedily groom and tack up, and get to the arena only five minutes late (one of the other students in my lesson is even later). Phew. It’s a good lesson! We warm up with the usual walk, trot and canter, then do some flatwork over poles, then a bending line over cross rails. B. is mostly a very good boy! Our first jumping course is a mess (my fault, not his at all) but I redeem myself on the second try. I love jumping and hope to graduate from cross rails in the not-too-distant future.
8 p.m. — Untack, groom, cold hose, clean tack — the usual. Leave the barn, let D. out one more time and get gas on the way home. Since I haven’t been home all day, the cats are very angry about having a late dinner. Shower, chores (clean litter boxes and put fresh water in their bowls, laundry), girl dinner of veggies and ramen, then bedtime. $40
Daily Total: $90
Day Four
6 a.m. — You get the routine by now. Up, groggy and unhappy to be awake. Minimal getting-ready routine. Feed A. and S. Go take care of D. Head to Panera for coffee then to the office.
11 a.m. — Team call. These are usually very quiet and quick. I’m still getting used to the company and the team and how things work. It doesn’t seem like people have a lot to ask about or talk about on the team calls, which I guess is good? In my last jobs, everyone was swinging their you-know-what on these types of meetings and everyone wanted to talk and talk and talk and things always went over. I don’t want to jinx it but this is rather refreshing.
1 p.m. — I go to let out D. during lunch and she’s clawed at the door and torn paint off of it, which she has never done before. I text the owners who say she must be anxious but don’t blame me at all and apologize for her behavior. I’ve pet-sat her a lot and she’s never done this before! Back to the office.
6 p.m. — I stay a little later than usual at work, rewriting some notes and working on some things, then head back to D. Now she’s actually CRUSHED the doorknob. It must have been with her teeth but it literally looks like the Incredible Hulk squeezed it into a crumpled piece of metal. I text updates to the family who is once again so gracious and kind. I feed and walk D., then spend the rest of the evening with her until she’s calmer. Head home and take care of my own animals before bed.
Daily Total: $0
Day Five
6 a.m. — Find the will to live. Force myself out of bed. I love sleeping and once I’m up, I’m good to go but it doesn’t matter how much sleep I’ve gotten, I always want to stay snug under the covers. I get ready, feed the cats and go feed and walk D. She didn’t do any more damage last night so that’s good.
7 a.m. — Grab my coffee and head to work. Wrap up the project I’m working on and share it with my boss to go over later. My barn owner sends me and a friend a foxhunting camp her hunt club is putting on for members and non-members (don’t worry, it’s only a mock foxhunt, so no foxes will be harmed). This looks so fun and exactly like the kind of thing we want to do more of. I ask her to register me and my friend and I wonder if we need to go shopping for proper attire before the event in a week and a half. There’s always a reason to spend money in the equestrian world. It costs $175, which I will pay the day of.
12 p.m. — I go let D. out and grab some more Panera. The barn owner invoices me for my monthly half lease of B. It’s $795 base including my regular lessons, a hay surcharge and some supplements, but there’s a fifth Thursday this month so I owe an extra $40. I’ll venmo her soon. This is included in my monthly expenses ($835).
1:30 p.m. — I meet with my boss to go through the edits I’ve made in my costing model. We have a short call after with someone from payroll who gives us a lot more info and changes the whole approach to this project. I don’t know if it’s the type of work I’m doing or that this is all just new but I don’t mind that I have to redo everything. I was so intimidated coming into this role but it’s been really fun. I think I was meant for spreadsheets and data and numbers.
5 p.m. — I go take care of D. then head home, make pad Thai for dinner for me and W. and take care of our cats. I let D. out one more time before bed then head home and go to sleep.
Daily Total: $0
Day Six
6 a.m. — It’s my last time taking care of D. before her family is home. They think they’ll have to board her after this. Poor thing. She’s so sweet and good but she had some major anxiety this week. Her mom venmoed me the $540 she owed me yesterday. Pet-sitting is a good side hustle. I swing by Panera then head to work with my coffee. It’s payday! Actually tomorrow is payday but my bank has early deposit for direct deposits so it always posts a day early. This new job pays weekly, which is interesting. It doesn’t affect me and W. much but it is kinda nice for cash flow.
8 a.m. — Spend pretty much all day deep in the data and redoing my costing for this policy to be updated. It’s much cleaner the way I’m doing it this time, now that we know how the current system works.
5 p.m. — Today is my other group lesson day but there are tornado and flood watches in effect until 8 p.m. and it’s pouring. The barn owner is at an out-of-state show and waits until the very last second to cancel. I grab more coffee from Panera and head home in the rain.
6 p.m. — I feed A. and S. and make a seared chicken breast for W. and myself with a salad on the side. We watch TV and I go to bed relatively early. I’m working from home tomorrow.
Daily Total: $0
Day Seven
7:30 a.m. — Wake up and handle some chores (feed the cats, change the litter boxes, fresh water in the bowls, laundry — the usual). I go and grab coffee from Panera then come home and hop on a demo call at 9 a.m. A sales rep from a vendor related to my field offered me a gift card to attend a demo. This used to happen to me all the time in my last job. I’ve gotten hundreds in gift cards, AirPod Pros… My former colleague got a Ninja CREAMi. I’m not in this for the perks but I won’t turn them down.
10:30 a.m. — I get started on an audit my boss assigned me and there seems to be an inordinate amount of data that is inconsistent. I message my boss on Teams and he says he’ll take a peek. I start a Udemy Excel course that work paid for, because I don’t want to keep working on the audit if I screwed something up.
2 p.m. — My boss calls me on Teams. My hair is a mess and I’m wearing a shirt I probably wouldn’t wear at the office but oh well. The office is super casual, I’m just making a concerted effort to look presentable — I’ve even been putting on mascara on in-office days, which is a big deal for me, lol. But it is what it is today. My boss lets me know I did the analysis correctly but he wants me to hold off on the next step because the way he trained me will take far too long. He says he’ll send me a different query to run and to hold off until then, so I spend the rest of the workday on Udemy. I create a budget in Excel. I’d been kind of avoiding Excel before now but like 90% of my new job is Excel so I’m working hard to improve my proficiency. I love it so far! It’s so logical.
5 p.m. — I need to go to Panera for Dr Pepper for W. (this is covered by the Unlimited Sip Club). My former coworker calls me and spills the tea on drama at my former place of work. I am so happy I’m not there anymore. I prep dinner then W. and I go to our Friday night babysitting gig. I read a couple of Money Diaries while babysitting then W. and I head home, have the spaghetti dinner I made and head to bed. We have adult horse camp this weekend! Sometimes I manage to force W. to begrudgingly do horsey things with me.
Daily Total: $0
The Breakdown
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