Although they never insisted on it, I got the feeling my parents wanted both my brother and myself to go to college. My dad only completed eighth grade but was a voracious reader. My mom attended a semester of nursing school and flunked out; she then did a year of college. They were small-time farmers and I knew they had little money for it — which meant that if I was going, I was going to have to earn a lot of that money myself. I was lucky to earn scholarships and grants. I also worked any job I could find during college, including babysitting, housecleaning, secretarial work for an accountant during tax time, working at a pick-your-own apple orchard, and schlepping garbage in the college cafeteria on Sundays. My parents were kind to help out with the rest, bless them. By my junior year, I commuted from home and worked as a waitress, and spent my summer as an au pair for missionary cousins in Austria. Senior year, I moved in with off-campus friends and was a backpacking/rock-climbing guide in New Hampshire during the summers before and after. I also continued to pick up any job I could find, including tutoring and typing papers for students. I also taught a college class in children’s literature (yes, as a student) and managed the Children’s Book Fair, a big conference the college hosted each year. During breaks and vacation, I worked at a hardware store. One spring break, I helped install lightning rods on the gymnasium at Michigan Tech University. Perfect experiences for a growing writer. I wanted to go on to grad school, intending on going into publishing. I was accepted at the University of Michigan, which meant in-state tuition. Parents said they’d cover it, if I could take care of living expenses. I got a job living with the family of a professor; I cleaned their house, babysat their daughter and occasionally helped cater and serve at parties. In return, I lived in the attic (like Cinderella!) rent-free and got one meal a day — two, if I came home at noon and walked the dog. A generous friend boarded at a nearby commune and would ask me to eat with him. I also ate at a Chinese restaurant that served a mean bowl of fried rice for only $1.25. One day D., an engineering student newly arrived from the navy, shared my table — and I married him. I graduated debt-free (thanks, Mom and Dad!) and married a week after I turned in my final master’s paper. Six years of service in the navy got D. access to GI Bill funds. We were too free with concerts, movies and going out to eat, instead of keeping things tight, like I’d done for years. He graduated with $10,000 in student loans but we paid that off within the next five or so years.
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent(s)/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
From the start, my parents were very open about not having much — and making it stretch. (Because my dad was Dutch, we called it “being a good Hollander.” Then we would brag about bargains, or moan about being “poor and needy.”) Mom and Dad never insisted or even suggested it but my brother and I knew if we wanted some things, we would have to work for them — so we did. I remember being taken to the bank to open a savings account, and having them suggest splitting up my money: 50% in the bank (for college), 10% for donating, and the rest for expenses. This worked so well that my first year in college was largely paid for by these funds. Although we can’t put away 50% today (I wish!), we have tithed 10% of our income consistently, and can usually save 10%-25%, depending on expenses that month. D. and I have kept our money together in the same accounts since our marriage 42.5 years ago, although we have separate accounts we use for purchasing stocks. Both sets of parents were extraordinarily generous over the years, helping out with their money and time. They also loaned us money now and then, which we repaid with interest (our choice, not theirs). After my dad died, we began sending Mom $50 monthly, on the theory that she needed “fun money” (it was really trying to pay her back for the sacrifices they’d made paying for my college). We also hired a bimonthly housecleaner for her. We increased the monthly payment to $100 during her final year and secretly paid several of her household expenses as well. I was lucky to find a husband who said, “She’s my mom, too… And we’re going to take care of her.”
What was your first job and why did you get it?
I babysat from a young age; my little brother and I also sold raspberries and sweet corn from a stand in front of our farm. I occasionally cleaned house for people, helped my mom during catering gigs (funerals and weddings), did haying and other jobs on the farm. When I was 15, I got a job at the local hardware store, four days a week after school (Thursday was my day off) and all day Saturday. I worked this all through high school but also during college breaks and holidays in undergrad. Fond memories resurface whenever I smell that unique blend of tools and plumbing parts, fertilizer, grease…and farmers.
Did you worry about money growing up?
Not really. If you know money is tight to start with, there’s not much to worry about. As mentioned, I did know from a young age that if I wanted something, I’d have to work for it. But that was what my parents did, too. I would sometimes feel a bit jealous of my cousins, who had a great deal more money. At Christmastime, they’d get five or so skirts and sweaters, while I got one. Ironically, as adults they ended up much less financially secure than our family.
Do you worry about money now?
I’ve gone through my share of worries, especially when D. got sick and switched from being a mechanical engineer to driving a school bus — about a 75% drop in income. And our kids were still quite young. Although he eventually moved into training and IT for the school transportation department, his income never really recovered; we lived on $20,000 annually for decades. I was working in editorial at a quilting magazine, which helped bridge the gap. My own business was steadily growing during the tight years and that helped, too. Plus, growing up the way I did, I tend to be extremely frugal during tight times. Do I worry about money now? Not really — except for always keeping a certain amount in the checking account. (“Just in case,” I tell myself.) Thanks to social security and D.’s pension, his income is higher than when he was working. Go figure.
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
Mom and Dad took care of me and my brother so well, even though there was rarely money for extras. We did, however, have fresh vegetables and meat that only farms can provide, and my mom was a wizard seamstress. Other than hand-me-downs from cousins, I don’t think I had a store-bought dress until my junior year in high school. By then I was trying hard not to ask them for money, to the point that I worked in the high school cafeteria for free lunch (my brother did, too). Other than college expenses (see above) and a load of canned goods/foods now and then in grad school, I was pretty much independent by age 17 and a half. About six years ago, D. and I sold our house — which had greatly appreciated in value — and moved into a 32-foot, fifth-wheel trailer (the profit from the house went into annuities and our investment fund). My side of the family — dozens of cousins, aunts/uncles etc. — decided we’d moved into the trailer because we were “broke,” which amused us. A friend offered us a sort-of caretaking position at his ranch and that’s where we stayed most of the year. This let us travel, volunteer for Ethnos360 in Arizona (a training base for missionary pilots) and temporarily move to Michigan to care for my mom during her final illness. This past summer, we began looking for a more permanent spot and found a house and 10 acres up in the mountains. We moved there in November last year and were able to pay cash for it — except for $20,000, which we borrowed from A. and K., our younger daughter and son-in-law. (We could have paid in full but D. insisted we needed an emergency fund. He was right.) That loan is down to about $5,000 (yes, we’re paying interest). The fifth-wheel is still parked in our yard. We’d use it for traveling more if gas prices weren’t so darn expensive. But I guess it’s also kind of a safety net; we could sell the house and move into it again, if needed. Our kids occasionally use it but we do plan on selling it eventually. We also have a snowmobile trailer, currently full of household furnishings, sitting in Michigan; we plan to pick it up in the next few months. That could also be sold, if needed. We also have the annuities, which are meant to add to our final estate but will also help cover care facilities, if we eventually need them. We regularly set aside money in our emergency fund; it’s currently in Lending Club, which earns more interest. I like to keep at least $5,000 there; D. prefers $10,000. But we had some truck repairs this year that needed to be paid.
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
When my maternal grandma died, my brother and I each got a set of downhill skis — that was a big deal for us. When D.’s mom died (another careful spender), we received more than $250,000. That allowed us to pay off the house we then owned, get a new-to-us vehicle, take a few vacations with the girls in tow, pay for some college and buy several years of work service credits in the state school system for D. (That allowed him to retire at age 60, which was a godsend.) We also saved a good chunk of the money toward retirement. My mom died in early 2022; Dad died at least 12 years earlier. They had frugally saved a substantial sum but it was nearly all spent on Mom’s care facility, rehab and hospital expenses. (She was very ill the last year of her life; we moved 1,800 miles to Michigan and stayed at her home for six months. We cared for her at the house, then visited nearly every day until her death.) After she died, we inherited about $40,000 plus a share of the sale of the family farm to my nephew: about $125,000. Some of that money went to each of our daughters and their husbands/partners. It also helped pay for our current home.
