Almost everything can be done on the internet these days, including meeting the love of your life. Kick back and grab a glass of wine because we’re getting into some tips for online dating as a plus size woman!
Undoubtedly, we’ve (certainly) come a long way from grocery-store pick-up lines and paper love notes with digits to dial or handwritten hearts scribbled along the bottom of them. Before social networking apps became a thing, most went bonkers when party lines and chat rooms gave singles a never-before-seen outlet for communicating with others–no matter the mileage. Then came cyber communities, where people could sign up for websites featuring those seeking similar (instant) connections.
Suddenly, the world went from ‘Do You Like Me?’ questionnaires, outlined with yes or no checkboxes, to swiping for Mr. or Mrs. Right. With virtual platforms like Tinder and Plenty of Fish, it wasn’t long before the art of in-person approaches was traded for direct messages from those who had either come across your stunning profile picture or taken a public glance but only found the courage to say “hello” behind a computer screen. Simply because… the options beyond the keyboard are often endless.
But… we’d be remiss if we said the online courting pool wasn’t (slightly) different for us of larger sizes. As if perusing the handful of picks who won’t bore you with “wyd” all day or “let’s link” after the first two exchanges isn’t tiresome itself, fighting off fetishism is another story. However, it’s important to highlight that many have had successful experiences.
Have you considered putting yourself out there? Check out these tips for online dating as a plus size woman.
Tips for Online Dating as a Plus Size Woman Every Curvy Fashionista Should Use
1. Start small.
While this information could apply to anyone–regardless of size–it’s vital to keep it in mind, especially for the plush pals because “seeing what’s out there” is already exhausting enough for us. As beginners, tips for online dating as a plus size woman can seem redundant; however, we can (sometimes) fall into the trap of joining multiple dating apps to increase the number of “prospects” who may not even have the least potential. Ultimately, we’re left discouraged once we realize that 1,000 inboxes don’t always mean 1,000 candidates. If this is fairly new to you, start small! Study whichever avenue is best for you, and test (at minimum) two or three of those first. Whether that be a subscription-based service or a Facebook group for FREE.99, ensure that it’s safe, legitimate, and beneficial. There’s nothing worse than filling out an 18-page (okay, we’re exaggerating a bit) assessment for access only to end up in tumbleweed territory with terrible choices! Choose wisely, not recklessly.
Although this topic is debatable, dating consultant Emily Taffel told Bustle, “In my opinion more than three dating sites [are] too many. Any less than that and you are missing out on potentially perfect matches who may be on other sites. However, too many sites and it becomes sensory overload.” She concluded, “You will find your eyes glazing over as you flip through faster, focusing more on photos than profiles (the biggest online dating mistake) and missing out on being mindfully present in your own dating life.”
Love at First Site author Erika Ettin, who specializes in online dating, added, “I generally recommend that my clients stick to two apps, with the caveat that they use them proactively. This does not mean getting 20 matches a day and writing to none of them. This means limiting the number of matches they get to–say, three to five–and then reaching out to all of them. If, of three matches, one converts to a date, that is more than enough to line up per day!”
2. Don’t be afraid to post the full-body shots.
What they see is what they get… literally. And if they don’t like it, moving around is always a good suggestion. We’re no longer sticking to the neck-up photos out of fear that we may be “too big” for someone’s taste. You’re not up for anyone’s approval, nor should you be trying to gain it.
However, presenting yourself as you are protects you from the superficial dweebs who claim to like plus size women but only those who may fit their media-driven, big-butt, curvy-waist idea of how our bodies are “supposed” to look. Men are curious (and inconsiderate… at times) beings who will (selfishly) hurt your feelings and self-esteem with the infamous ghosting tactic if they aren’t interested. Honestly, for some long-distancers, first dates are solely set up to see if your in-person appearance matches the picture-perfect image on your page or FaceTime. Everyone’s entitled to their preferences, but you’re no one’s trial run. This will also help you spot the ones only looking to fulfill their “fat-girl fantasies” quickly.
Be authentically and unapologetically you. Don’t give that person the opportunity to make you feel less desirable because you may not be their type. Trust and believe, you’re someone’s! Go where you are celebrated and appreciated in your entirety.
3. Keep a reference sheet for get-to-know Q&As.
A wise woman named Atarah, the committee’s favorite plus size dating expert, gave amazing tips for online dating as a plus size woman said, “Keep a note in your phone of all the responses to questions you get the most [on dating websites/apps]. Everyone wants to know your hobbies.” She furthered, “Also, keep your core must-ask questions stored there, too. In the dating process, the questions can be repetitive, but not having to type it out every single time makes it less frustrating.”
With an influx of messages and managing interactions with different personalities, it’s easy to get overwhelmed and forget that even though you may be in search of commitment, it’s not that serious… YET! Atarah’s hack on having common questions/answers logged is great for those who struggle with the “tell me about yourself” phase. Adding a few ice-breaker topics to your notes is helpful, too.
Starters:
- What are they looking for? (IE: commitment or casual)
- Have they ever dated a plus size woman before? (their history could let you know if size isn’t a factor or if it’s an itch they want to scratch)
- When was their last relationship?
Online dating doesn’t have to be complicated if you learn how to navigate and relax! Per Atarah, you should also:
- “Let him message first. If you’re using Bumble, that would be the only exception.”
- “Message with purpose. With the app being flooded, you want to stand out. Skip sending generic messages. Instead, reference something in their profile. [EXAMPLE] “I see you’re a traveler like me–where was this photo taken?”
4. Beware of the bio boosters.
When it comes to tips for online dating a plus size woman, you have to be aware of those with bad intentions. If you know you’re intentional in your online dating journey, entertaining someone whose profile bio is riddled with what they like in the bedroom, how much in a rush they are to meet up before even having a voice-to-voice conversation (safety… first!), or “BBW-lover” language is a no-go. Believe it or not, verbiage matters, and if you’re not careful… you’ll settle for a situationship with somebody’s son who only intended to waste time or experiment. Being firm about your long-term goal of jumping the broom and not directly into someone’s bed is necessary, as you’ll (sometimes) run across users who say one thing in their “cover letter” but another in the private chat.
Sadly, some of those guys lack online dating etiquette and won’t hesitate to drop unsolicited eggplants in your inbox, which can (hurriedly) turn you off from staying the course completely. We’re here to tell you, though, don’t let one bad apple ruin it for the whole bunch. Bios don’t tell you enough. Have those phone conversations, and if you’re not comfortable with giving your real number out, create a third-party line such as TextNow or TextFree, where you can obtain a second phone number and make calls/texts at no cost.
According to our good sis, Atarah’s, ‘Dating Rules’ thread, she recommends filtering who you choose to give your time to and cutting engagement with the individual if they haven’t exchanged contacts within a 72-hour window.
5. Remember that how much you weigh doesn’t take away from your womanhood.
While the way we have to vet our selections may require an unconventional approach, at the root of it all, we’re still women who deserve to be pursued accordingly. The science of a man applying pressure and letting the queen he admires know (and feel) how much he wants her remains the same. Fake praise from those who objectify or sexualize you is not a compliment or to-go card to “give him a chance.”
Someone finding you attractive is not “out of the norm,” nor does it warrant a cookie or badge of honor. You deserve to be earned with the right amount of effort. Scoring a guy isn’t a “prize” you should be “proud of” because others may think your love life has restrictions. You’re human, a beautiful one… at that.
At the end of the day, online dating is meant to be fun. Don’t put so much pressure on landing “the one” or proving you are. Enjoy the ride until someone comes along who’s worth getting off of it for.
Good luck!
Which of these tips for online dating as a plus size woman will you be putting to practice? Let us know in the comments!
