In the book, you talk about the outdated idea of gossip as a sin; what do you think makes it a reasonably healthy outlet for so many of us?
There are some scientific studies that show that gossiping lowers your heart rate, which is kind of crazy and feels really counterintuitive to me, because I feel like when I’m gossiping, I’m usually getting really worked up in my mind. And it’s interesting because it just shows that gossiping is about connection, right? You don’t gossip with someone you hate, you gossip with your friend, and in that gossiping you create a kind of space where you feel safe.
Do you think there’s any truth to the notion that it’s “gossip” when women and queer people do it, and “news” when straight men do it?
Oh, totally. I mean, the joke I’m always making about this is that you go into an office and women and queer people are talking about, I don’t know, The Real Housewives, and people will say, “Oh my God, they’re gossiping, they’re yapping.” But men talk about sports and no one says that, right? And it’s like, we watch The Real Housewives on television, you watch the NFL on television, and we’re doing this same thing. That is a common problem, for sure, and I think it particularly happens when we’re talking about anyone who is in an oppressed class using gossip as a way to gain power for themselves. That is something that people in power love to say: “Oh, it’s just gossip. It’s nothing. It’s meaningless.” And anyone who has been a part of those conversations knows that those are some of the only ways that you can gain power against people who are in control of you.
What is the most profound impact that gossip has had on your life?
I was a part of two unionization efforts in media, and that experience really makes you think about, like, who’s talking and why, and why don’t they want you to talk to each other? I helped with the unionization effort at Fusion a million years ago, and we did get a union eventually, but I remember having this conversation with our union chairperson, talking about, “Suddenly, management is very unhappy with us talking in general.” And it’s like, well, yeah, because they know that talk is cheap and talk is effective. When I think about the ways that gossip has affected me the most, it’s actually in the ways that gossip has protected me; you know, whisper networks and being told by people, “Watch out for this person. Don’t work for this person. Pay attention to what this person says to you.” That kind of gossip can be salvation, and can protect you.
