The summer of the extremely horny perimenopausal novel appears to have yielded rich IP fruit, as Miranda July’s 2024 book All Fours is being adapted into a TV series by Starz. “Rather than shying away from all the messy contradictions within sexuality and desire, Starz really digs into the reality of who women are and what we want, which makes it the perfect place to bring my novel to life. This is going to be wild,” July promised. July is also a screenwriter and director, after all, which means she’ll likely have a much keener idea of how to turn her source material into onscreen gold than most authors-gone-Hollywood.
I have no doubt that July is more than capable of figuring out who should star in her own project, but, good TV citizen that I am, I can’t help dream-casting the series anyway. I’ll definitely be annoyed if the show ends up featuring a predictable roundup of baby-voiced starlets of the moment, as is the way with so many ostensibly “weird” industry projects. (And I better see that epic tampon-sex scene in all its bloody glory, Starz!) So here is my unsolicited and completely uninformed roundup of who I think should be cast in the Starz adaptation of All Fours:
Unnamed narrator: Miranda July herself or Kathryn Hahn
July is the obvious choice to play the dissatisfied queer mother and wife whose search for meaning, fulfillment, and good sex (not necessarily in that order) anchors All Fours, but if she’s more into staying behind the scenes for this project, then Hahn is just the kind of domestic-labor-weary yet subtly sensual performer who could play the hell out of the role. I wouldn’t be surprised if the show skewed younger, as Hollywood is wont to do, but the narrator is meant to be 45! July is 50, and Hahn is 51. And I, for one, would like to see this novel that’s explicitly about middle age actually cast a middle-aged star.
Harris, the narrator’s husband: Paul Mescal or Nick Kroll
Can Ireland’s sexiest chain-wearer reinvent himself as a boring straight guy who’s not entirely fulfilling his wife? It would be challenging, given his natural star appeal, but I think he could handle it, and I’d love to see his onscreen chemistry (or lack thereof, as the case may be) with the narrator. If Paul’s not available, I think Nick Kroll—who was famously in Don’t Worry Darling for all of nine seconds—shines in a cinematic forgettable-cis-man role, even though he’s actually one of the least forgettable cis men.
Sam, the narrator’s child: Bella Ramsey—end of list
At 21, Ramsey is definitely too old to precisely fit the bill for the narrator and Harris’s nonbinary child (who is depicted as being seven), but I’ve been craving more of them onscreen ever since The Last of Us, and I fully trust their acting ability. Can they look seven years old? Probably not—at least not without some serious CGI involvement—but maybe the character could be aged up to tween-dom?
Davey, the narrator’s problématique object of lust: Eddie Redmayne or Timothée Chalamet
We don’t actually know all that much about Davey other than him being native to Monrovia, California, married (and somewhat willing to cheat), and wanting to be a hip-hop dancer. But July’s narrator does describe him as having “a Huckleberry Finn/Gilbert Blythe look that [she] used to flip out over as a teenager,” which makes me think Redmayne would nail it (he is liberally freckled, after all). If the series were to stray farther from this visual interpretation of Davey’s looks and focus more on vibe, though, then I think Chalamet would do a great job of typifying the character’s sexy-rando vibe.
Jordi, the narrator’s best friend: Rashida Jones or Holland Taylor
I’m sick of seeing Jones play a sensible grown-up with her shit together in movies and TV shows like Parks and Recreation and Celeste and Jesse Forever, and I would love to see her play a somewhat more freewheeling sculptor. Then again, Jordi is a lesbian in the book, so it would be extremely cool for a queer performer like Holland Taylor to play her. Who says best friends have to be the same age, and wouldn’t it be thematically on-brand for a TV show based on a book about aging to surprise-cast an 82-year-old actress?
Arkanda, the pop star who the narrator crosses paths with: Maya Rudolph or Rihanna
There is literally no role that Rudolph cannot embody—up to, and including, an aging and somewhat fame-addled pop star. But according to the original text, one of Arkanda’s songs is all about what it’s like to have sex with her, which obviously makes me think of Rihanna’s song “Sex With Me.” (And, as has been noted before, July and Rihanna are acquainted.) Can you even imagine a world in which Rihanna has a Lady-Gaga-goes-Ryan-Murphy-style small-screen makeover for a Miranda July production? Please do it, Rih! We all promise to stop bothering you about that new album if you do!
