If you have a wedding on the horizon, communication is essential to ensure that all your guests know all the ins and outs of your plans leading up to the big day. But since there are often so many details to share, there is some pretty solid wedding invitation etiquette that both couples and guests should follow.
From when to send your invitations to indicating whether guests can bring their kids, it’s best to have everything in place ahead of time so you can actually enjoy the process and have all your logistics set in stone. Ahead, an etiquette expert and wedding planner break down everything you need to know about wedding invitation rules.
1. Send Save-the-Dates Out Far in Advance
Get your guests excited for the wedding and have them mark their calendars with your save-the-dates. This invite usually has minimal details including the date and location of your event. “Save-the-dates are typically sent six to eight months before the wedding,” advises Myka Meier, best-selling author and founder of Beaumont Etiquette. “For destination weddings or peak travel seasons, aim for eight to 12 months in advance to give guests plenty of notice to plan travel and accommodations.” Since a heads-up is always appreciated, you can push this date out even further. Wedding planner Veronica Joy Gurl of Veronica Joy Events adds, “If you have enough lead time from when you get engaged and set the wedding date, a year out can be a fun moment—but don’t put too much pressure on yourself to rush and do that!”
2. Have Invitations Arrive at Least Six Weeks Ahead of the Wedding
The proper wedding invitations are usually a more thorough and formal correspondence that can include inserts, details of pre-wedding events, and requests for RSVPs. “Wedding invitations should be sent out six to eight weeks before the big day,” advises Meier. “This allows your guests ample time to plan while ensuring the details are still fresh in their minds. For destination weddings, send invitations a bit earlier—ideally three months in advance.” To make logistics easier on your side, Joy Gurl believes pushing this date out is best. “I like to advise my clients to send their invitations out 12 weeks before their wedding date with an RSVP by date six weeks before their wedding date,” she says. Guests should respond with their RSVPs promptly and within deadlines so couples don’t have to send out tedious follow-up emails and texts.
3. Paperless Wedding Invitations Are No Longer a Faux Pas
We now live in a digital era, so many wonder if they should keep all their wedding correspondences online. “The choice between paper and digital invitations depends on your style, budget, and audience,” says Meier. “Nowadays, digital invitations are a chic and streamlined choice that allow you to track and send save-the-dates and invitations, create a coordinating wedding website, accept RSVPs, collect meal selections, communicate last-minute information, and manage every touchpoint with guests in one place.” She adds, “For digital invitations, if an email bounces, double-check the email address, then follow up with the guest via phone or text to confirm their correct contact information and ensure they receive the invitation.”
Of course, there’s still something special about a paper invitation. “We love physical paper…it is the first introduction into the look and feel of your day,” says Joy Gurl. A great solution is a hybrid—sending an invite over paper and allowing more details to be given on the website. “We have been finding that more couples are choosing to RSVP online, which is a fast and easy way to track down guest count.” She adds, “Don’t worry—the older crowd is savvier than you think and can totally figure it out.
If you are requesting mailed RSVPs, always include return postage. “It’s a thoughtful touch, makes it easier for guests to respond promptly, and spares them the effort of finding or paying for a stamp,” says Meier. For a formal wedding, the response card can be written: “Kindly reply by [RSVP Date]. M________ will attend / will not attend.” For a more casual event: “RSVP by [Date]. [ ] Gladly accepts [ ] Regretfully unable to attend.”
4. Address Your Invites Based on the Formality of Your Wedding
Much to many people’s surprise, there’s no set way you need to address your invites. You can either go formal and address couples as “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith,” or choose to write their full names. “This is totally up to the preferences of the couple and the vibe of the wedding,” says Joy Gurl. “This past year, our clients have been very particular about how they address their guests. This is a place where we think you can be as formal or as informal as you want. At the end of the day, no guests are going to see how you addressed your other guests, so do what you prefer and feel most comfortable with.”
5. Inform Guests of the Dress Code
Planning out your ensembles for a wedding day can often require as much planning as booking a flight or finding accommodation. That’s why it’s important to include the dress code on your invitations. “The dress code should be placed at the bottom of the invitation—for example ‘Black Tie Preferred,’” says Meier. You should also include short dress code info about what to wear at additional events in those invitation inserts. If you want to go deeper into the attire guidelines, it’s recommended to include those in the itinerary on your wedding website so you don’t overcrowd the invitation. If you have a creative dress code, it’s a good idea to include a further description of the vibe and even link to a moodboard to give guests a clearer idea of what you want them to wear.
6. Refer Guests to Your Wedding Website for the Registry
Once again, the wedding website is king when it comes to giving out more information. “Avoid including the registry directly on the invitation, as it can feel as if you are asking for a gift in order to attend and is therefore considered incorrect etiquette to do so,” shares Meier. “Instead, keep things polished by directing guests to your website.”
8. Indicate If a Guest Has a Plus One or Can Bring Children
Unless an invitation clearly states an invitee has a plus one or can bring children, they should absolutely not assume otherwise. “For plus-ones, include their name on the invitation if you know it, or address it to ‘Mr. John Smith and Guest.’ With digital invitations, you can connect guests on the guest list so every family member can see who is invited and RSVP for the household, or specify a ‘+1’ for a guest to add with their RSVP,” says Meier.
