Between Timothée Chalamet playing Bob Dylan, Angelina Jolie playing Maria Callas, and Paul Mescal and Barry Keoghan apparently on their way to get pudding-bowl haircuts for Sam Mendes’s upcoming Beatles film, those of us who prefer our films drawn from the lives of iconic musicians have a lot to look forward to these days.
Also into the biopic action? Six-time Oscar nominee Amy Adams, who told Jimmy Fallon on Wednesday that she’d be 100% down to play Taylor Swift’s legendarily fearsome publicist Tree Paine onscreen, should the opportunity arrive. “If it got me closer to Taylor, then that would be fun,” Adams said.
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While there are no public plans for a Swift (or Paine) biopic at the moment, it’s probably only a matter of time, right? To that end, I’ve taken it upon myself to dream-cast the film, and if anyone in Hollywood wants to pay me money for this kind of deranged creative genius, they are welcome to.
Margot Robbie as Taylor Swift
Photo: Getty Images
Photo: Getty Images
There’s more to this casting choice than just beauty and blondeness, I promise: Robbie proved with Barbie that she’s more than capable of portraying a wholesome, all-American icon, and she and Swift are exactly the same age, which I feel would lend a level of verisimilitude to her performance. Plus, the two women are friends, so Robbie would be able to study Swift’s mannerisms up close.
Sadie Sink as a Young Tree Paine
Photo: Getty Images
Photo: Getty Images
I don’t know exactly what role a young Tree Paine would play in the Taylor Swift biopic, given she and Swift met as adults, but maybe there’s a flashback sequence or something? That’s a plot twist for the screenwriters to figure out, but I think Sink would play Paine’s steely-eyed, scarlet-haired resolve all too well. (Get it?)
James Van Der Beek as Travis Kelce
Photo: Getty Images
Photo: Getty Images
Yes, the former Dawson’s Creek star would have to bulk up quite a bit to capture the physique of Swift’s football-star boyfriend, but that’s not so hard to do. Then again, Kelce famously became a bona fide actor himself recently, so maybe he can play himself (with Swift’s hard-won approval, of course).
Timothée Chalamet as Matty Healy
Photo: Getty Images
Photo: Getty Images
Does Chalamet have the range to play a chainsmoking British semi-dirtbag? (Don’t @ me, The 1975 superfans!) I think so, but if he can’t pull it off, maybe one of his doppelgangers can.
Alana Hadid as Gigi Hadid
Photo: Getty Images
Photo: Getty Images
How can you do better, casting-wise, than another member of the Hadid family? Sure, Bella would be great, but Gigi’s older half-sister Alana could well deliver an inspired interpretation of one of Swift’s all-time besties.
Reneé Rapp as Cara Delevingne
Photo: Getty Images
Photo: Getty Images
These two flaxen-haired celesbians are friends who have also served as Megan Thee Stallion’s de facto bodyguards, so studying Delevingne’s vibe would be a snap for Rapp (no rhyme intended). She‘s already got the accent down.
