To that end, hopeless romantics can also make effusive, exciting partners. They’re often empathetic, imaginative, and thoughtful; they’ll go all-out to find the perfect gift or plan a memorable date. “A hopeless romantic brings warmth and a sense of opportunity to a relationship,” says dating coach Nash Wright.
The pitfalls of hope
However, there’s a catch: “Outside of being optimistic, hopeless romantics can carry limited and skewed beliefs,” says licensed marriage and family therapist Domenique Harrison. This could be because they have a deep-seated fear of abandonment or an insecure attachment style; they may even subconsciously believe that, without a partner, they’re incomplete. “This can have devastating impacts if left unchecked, and lead to shame, disorientation, and disconnection from the world around them,” Harrison says.
In other words, hopeless romantics can prioritize love to such an extreme that they become slightly delusional. Their quest for love may lead them to constantly pursue unavailable partners, jump from relationship to relationship, or even ignore their own needs in order to stay in a toxic situation.
Great expectations
Naturally, having unrealistic expectations can set the stage for major disappointment—and, make sustaining a lasting relationship more difficult. Because hopeless romantics place an outsize emphasis on grand gestures, they may question their relationship when a partner fails to reciprocate them. They may discount the smaller actions their partner takes, and quieter qualities like honest communication and emotional vulnerability.
“It can be a way to avoid commitment and prevent working through issues,” says licensed therapist Rachel Goldberg. “It can lead to a lot of pressure in a relationship and result in emotional distress when the fantasy is shattered. Over time, it could lead to a pattern of unhealthy relationships or difficulty maintaining long-term commitments.”
Signs you may be a hopeless romantic
Hopeless romantics tend to wear rose-colored glasses, but there are other tell-tale signs, too. “Common characteristics and behaviors of a hopeless romantic include pouring a significant amount of energy into romantic pursuits and creating fantasy scenarios about future plans,” psychotherapist Jessica Gaddy says. Below, a few more signs:
Believing love cures all
“They may believe that they will find happiness when that ‘one’ person comes into their life,” according to Goldberg.
Prioritizing potential
“Individuals tend to idealize their partners and place them on (perhaps unearned) pedestals,” says Gaddy.
Neglecting needs
“This could look like canceling plans with a friend or skipping yoga class to meet up for a date,” therapist Alison McKleroy says.
Driven by destiny
“The idea of fate drives their decisions; they believe love is predetermined or written in the stars,” says dating expert Jasmine Diaz.
Ignoring red flags
“Hopeless romantics may sometimes overlook issues they believe can be fixed or are just a fluke,” says Goldberg. “They may overlook a person’s problematic, hurtful, avoidant, and disingenuous qualities,” Harrison agrees.
Refusing to reflect
“Hopeless romantics hyper-focus on the potential of a beautiful future and do not like to ruminate on the past,” licensed therapist Priya Rednam-Waldo says.
“They may believe that the perfect match is one that has sparks right away that never wane,” Goldberg says.
Talking only of love
“Love is always the topic—it’s all they talk about, think about, and dream about. Friendships can become one-sided,” says certified addiction and trauma counselor Audrey Hope.
How to stop being a hopeless romantic
It’s important to note that being a hopeless romantic is only a negative if it’s causing distress or derailing aspects of your life. Thus, the question is not really whether you should give up being a romantic idealist—but, rather, how you can better balance your expectations with reality. “The key lies in how this romantic outlook influences one’s life and relationships,” Paruolo says. “Does it inspire personal growth and a deeper appreciation for love, or does it lead to repeated disappointments?”
